A Scribe or an Authority
I almost got into a car accident yesterday. The car that almost hit us came in fast from behind and swerved over a curb to avoid us. I heard an “Oh, shit” from the back of my car as we watched sparks fly from the contact between the bottom of their car and the concrete. The other driver pulled into a parking lot ahead of us and got out of her car, obviously panicking. When we pulled up to check on her, her car’s engine sounded unhealthy and was leaking engine oil. She was unharmed, but furious.
What followed was about an hour or two of stressed waiting, gathering information, and talking with each other and a police officer. The conclusion was that we were not involved – there was no contact between our cars. We left.
Although there was no lasting consequence to my friends or me, and my sympathy for the woman is limited, this experience highlighted a couple of faults in how I act. Both stem from how I didn’t feel entirely connected to what was happening. I’m accustomed to assuming that everything will work out fine, and that my own actions don’t really matter. I act as though I can be an observer and participate only when I choose. I have a cerebral disposition, which reminds me of a scripture:
And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he was teaching them as one who had authority, and not as their scribes.
The first fault is this: I didn’t comfort my friends or the woman. This may sound minor, but it was surprising to me. I worried about my friends but didn’t decide to do anything about it. I had other things to do, and like an observer, assumed that they would take care of themselves.
I’m grateful for the presence of a friend that I’ve coincidentally mentioned before, David. He always made it clear that he stood with me, he gave firm emotional support, he kept engaged with everyone involved, and he acted always decisively and graciously. Like the lion turtle who told Aang that masters once bent the energy within each other, he constantly bent our energy toward openness and warmth, optimism for the future, and decisive action. If it weren’t for David sitting next to me, I may not have checked on the woman at all. I’m glad that I did.
And another friend-couple invited me over for dinner afterward, giving a nice opportunity to decompress and be taken care of. That time was a comfort for all of us, I think.
Now we get to the scripture that I quoted above. As much as I want to “live righteously”, I don’t think it’s within my grasp to be an authority on such a vague goal, directly. To be an authority requires lived experience and an intimate knowledge of specifics. The question “how does one live righteously?” is difficult to address as anything other than a scribe. At least, it feels theoretical to me now.
On the other hand, the questions “how do you relax a stressed friend?”, “how do you take your share of responsibility for an accident, without absolving the other parties?”, and “how do you engage with someone who is angry with you?” are easier to answer with lived experience.
The solution I’ll pursue for this first fault is to aim at concrete outcomes. I’ll choose goals, like “relax X stressed friend” instead of “connect with X stressed friend”, that are easier to assess and share. I want to build my expertise on the attainment of concrete outcomes. I hope that I can keep this spirit of specificity even in this blog.
The second fault that this experience highlighted stems from the fact that it was luck that no one was harmed. It chills me to think of what might have happened had the woman kept her course and collided with us, at her speed. Or if she collided with someone else nearby. My inattention in a moment risked the lives of my friends, myself, and nearby strangers.
I have two solutions in mind for this, but am too tired to refine them into something more specific or to back them with Bible verses: first, practice maintaining focus and recognizing when I’m losing focus. These can be opportunities for breaks. I doubt that it’s possible to be attentive all the time, but I believe that I can be more attentive than I usually am, most of the time. And second, practice engaging with the people that surround me. Whether I like it or not, I influence them and they influence me. I can use more practice being broadly aware of my surroundings.