Inspiration to Allocate My Life

I’ve felt unsettled lately. I am uncomfortable with the fact that my time is, for the most part, spent unintentionally. I can feel my craving for distraction and immediate gratification, and often give into it by checking emails, responding to messages, packing my calendar, watching videos, consuming something, waiting for someone to ask me to do something. At the same time, I remember what it’s like to be overcommitted to the point where everything felt like a task, and I want to commit myself only to activity that I find meaningful.

I have ample free time again, for the first time in a couple of years, and I don’t know what to do with it. I want to act intentionally, and with focus. To be “fit”, as described here:

No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God

– Jesus, in Luke 9:62 (ESV)

But I don’t know which direction to go.

Last night, I told a friend, David, about this discomfort with being unintentional, and he inspired me with his solution to a similar problem: he calls his siblings and cousins every Sunday. At first it was weird, he said, but after a while it became normal. And now he feels close to his family across the ocean because of it. Similarly, he gives his family a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek when he sees them. Another thing that was weird at first, but eventually “brought peace to the home”.

David was inspired by the story of high-powered executives with successful professional lives, that were “unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children” (Christensen, 2010). Here’s an excerpt from the article my friend referred to (I recommend reading the article in its entirety):

Allocation choices can make your life turn out to be very different from what you intended. […] As I think about my former classmates who inadvertently invested for lives of hollow unhappiness, I can’t help believing that their troubles relate right back to a short-term perspective.

[…] [O]ur careers provide the most concrete evidence that we’re moving forward. [… In contrast, k]ids misbehave every day. It’s really not until 20 years down the road that you can put your hands on your hips and say, “I raised a good son or a good daughter.” You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis, it doesn’t seem as if things are deteriorating.

– Clayton M. Christensen, How Will You Measure Your Life? (Harvard Business Review article, 2010)

David’s Sunday phone calls inspire me for three reasons:

• I love the long-term perspective. I’m optimistic that the solution will be a memorable and valued use of time, even looking back years from now. This is a contrast to my insecurity about the significance of the activities that dominate my free time, like dancing or socializing, where my long term goal is unclear. I think that I am weak at fostering deep relationships.
• He has taken responsibility for and action toward making his vision come true. I love how it’s fine if the changes are uncomfortable or “weird” at first; discomfort isn’t enough reason to stop moving toward his goal.
• The solution draws on the wisdom of others. It seems more solid to me this way.

There is more to say on this topic – I haven’t defined my own allocation – but for now I’ll leave it at that. With a vague feeling of inspiration to take responsibility for my relationships, and to work at them. I am not pushing the plow so far today.